All This Hurt Isn't Helping
by Jasper-Alice.FAN
Summary: Jasper/Edward - One-shot, Angsty realisations when Edward finally gets to grip about Bella's death. But there is always something that makes him forget.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE - ONCE AGAIN, I WISH THAT I COULD OWN MEYER'S LITTLE UNIVERSE. BUT SADLY, I'M STUCK INSIDE MY OWN HEAD... OH WELL, ATLEAST JASPER WILL KEEP ME COMPANY!**

The voices faded slowly away, as he sprinted towards Bella's grave.

Since she had gone, it took a lot of concentration for him to avoid these trees.

**--**

Edward sobbed, his unnecessary breath catching in the back of his throat.

He had caught the wolf's scent as he approached the cemetary and now he stood watching Jacob, grieve and howl for his lost friend, from the tree line.

Jacob's russet fur shook, making the smell enclosing Edward stronger. But he could hardly notice it at the moment, the moment he was remembering Bella.

_Poor bloodsucker... Poor Edward, that's what I meant. He must really be cut up, I haven't seen him for weeks. _

Had the whole town noticed his dissapearance?

_Should I go and see him? He might kill me, maybe its not a good idea... after all, it was me that stopped him from going to the V-volturi._

Edward furrowed his brow. He did feel in debt to Jacob, but not for the reason that he had 'delayed' Edward in seeking the Volturi's help in destroying him.

A gust of wind blew from behind Edward, sending his sweet perfumed scent drifting across the wind.

_Why are you hiding? I know you can hear me. I know you can hear everything going on in my head._

Edward could hear the pack connected to Jacob's mind being alerted to possible danger, 4 other wolves were pounding from outer-state, hurrying back to Jacob's side.

"Jake... I'm sorry Bella died..."

The words slid from Edwards mouth before he turned his back on the wolf and ran as fast as he could through the forest, not thinking about where he could go.

_I'm sorry too Edward. _

_Quil, Embry, Seth, Leah give Edward some room, I'm guessing you'll pass him on your way here... Don't even think about touching him, otherwise I'll help him rip you to shreds._

**--**

The cliffs were unbelievably high, the sea at the bottom the colour of rust against the rocks. There was a slight beam of sunshine directly on Edward, his skin glittered softly.

The smell of dog filled the air – and he expected it to. Edward was sitting in the centre of the Quileute reservation, his feet dangling over the cliff.

He had permission, but he wouldn't have needed it ofcourse.

He would be glad for any excuse to get ripped apart, but sometimes Jacob was a bit too understanding for Edward to stay angry at.

Bella. Oh Bella.

The ache in his heart felt as though he was being cut in half from inside out. If he was human he knew he would have been crying, but he had to make do with the pain inside of him.

Edward stared out into the setting sun, the beautiful rays sinking into the cloud bank. It had been sunny since she had gone, although it seemed to rain all the time in Edward's head.

_Edward... Please, Esme wants you to come home._

The thoughts hit him before he could detect any sound of footsteps.

_We all know you miss her, Edward. But you have to try to get by without her... it'll destroy us all if we lose you too._

An equally cold hand wrapped itself around Edward's shoulder. Instinctively, he let out a low gutteral growl deep from his chest.

"Get your hands off of my shoulder." Edward warned.

"Calm down..." Jasper said soothingly and Edward felt a wave of Peace wash over him.

"Get your hands off me!" Edward growled again, flicking violently at Jasper's firm hand.

_Hear me out._

"Jasper, I don't _want _to hear you out. I _want_ you to go away and leave me alone." He replied to the internal voice without realising it was an internal thought and not spoken words of Jasper's.

A fresh wave of serenity washed over Edward.

_"_Edward, it is not your fault." Jasper said softly, feeling Edward's internal feelings bubbling just under the surface of the false calm. _"_She didn't die because of you."

_"_She, Bella, did die because of me! I could have stopped it..." Edward moaned.

_Car crashes happen. You could not have saved her at all, you couldn't have been with her 24/7. It was not your fault._

"I should have been with her." Edward whined in utter despair.

Jasper's hand crept back up onto his brother's shoulder. Comforting and re-inforcing all the emotions he was feeding him.

The sky was almost perfectly midnight blue. Everything around them had taken on new colours - not black, just a mixture of more beautiful colours.

_Have you truly grieved for her?_

"Yes." Edward said, before the words left Jasper's lips.

_Truly? You have a lot of feelings bottled up, bro._

Suddenly, all Edward's floodgates of emotions opened. Despair struck him like a bolt of lightning, his body convulsed in anguish. Anger made his fists ball so tightly granite would have been crushed into dust. Sadness poured out of his mouth, growls and moans that would tell his intense pain to anyone that would hear.

_You have to feel it Edward, that is the only way your heart can heal. _

**--**

It had been 4 days. Not long at all for a vampire.

Edward cuddled into Jasper's arms. He seeked the hold of someone, anyone. His brain had closed itself down, protecting itself from all the feelings that it couldn't handle. Now and again, Edward would nuzzle into Jasper's cool chest.

Jasper sat perfectly still, watching his brother suffer and sending waves of emotion to counter everything his brain would stir up. He could feel the exact emotions inside of himself, passed through to him, but he could only imagine the images that were conjuring up these feelings.

"Jasper... Bella..." Edward groaned unsurely, into his brothers shirt.

"I'm here, bro." Jasper replied calmly. "I'm here."

Edwards hug tightened around Jasper's chest. His head forcing its way up against his neck, his eyes closed tightly, slowly breathing in and out almost like clockwork.

_"_Jasper... do you think I could have saved her?"

_Oh Edward..._

"No. There was no way you could have..." Jasper breathed.

He tensed as a wave of new emotion staggered his vision. Love. Something he hadn't felt from Edward for over a year now.

**--**

His lips crushed against Jasper's. His ice-cold tongue flicking into the others mouth, forcefully parting Jasper's lips.

Venom pooled in Jasper's mouth.

His mouth closed tightly, pushing Edward's tongue out.

Edward's hands ran violently all over his brother's body. Twisting into his dirty blonde hair and then trailing them down his spine, pinching and tearing the shirt he was wearing, Alice wouldn't be happy when he returned sans expensive present.

_Edward, you don't love me…_

Jasper was trying to reason with his brother without hurting his feelings any further.

Edward seemed ignorant to what Jasper was screaming inside his head.

His cold but delicate hand snaked down his brothers back, tugging at Jasper's tight waistband of his boxers.

_Get off me!_

A growl built up in Jasper's chest, streaming from his mouth with as much burn as explicit words.

Edward's hands froze, his fingers latched under the elastic.

"Edward, what are you doing!?"

_"_I want you Jasper! You can make the pain go away..." Edward said huskily.

**--**

Alice was already standing out on the grass waiting for the brothers' return.

Edward timidly half-ran, half-stumbled into the backyard, his face was completely blank and he loped past Alice and headed straight for his own bedroom.

"Jasper? What happened? I couldn't see you in my head..." Alice's voice was strangled as she called into the forest at the back of the house. With her sight, she could see Jasper standing about 3 metres into the woods, his head bowed and leaning against a tree.

"Alice, not here." Jasper's low voice reached her, and then she realised Jasper must have wanted some privacy.

Alice leaped gracefully across the river and sprinted after Jasper.

They ran for miles, all the while Alice worrying about what was so urgent. Jasper rarely ever wanted to speak like this, he was so private, he didn't feel the need to share any problems between them.

Without warning, he came to a stop.

"This must be the forest's densest point." Jasper wondered aloud.

"Jasper?" Alice said, stepping towards him.

She reached out, to put her hand onto his shoulder but he shook it off as delicately as he could. Their eyes met, two shades of molten amber.

"What's wrong? Is it Edward?" Alice said, failing to hide the hurt in her voice. Her rejection saturated the air around them, it hit Jasper like a rock, intensified tenfold because he was so emotionally connected to his love.

"I'm sorry Alice. I didn't want to... but he needed me. He still needs me." Jasper said softly.

"What happened, Jasper?" Alice pleaded. "Tell me everything, please..."

"I'm not leaving you Alice. But Edward needs me at the minute, I'm the only one that make his pain go away... You have to take my word, I don't _love_ him. I don't think I'm even capable of loving him... I love you." He said, bowing his head. Slowly, he reached his hand out to Alice. "I didn't do anything though, I wanted to ask you..."

His hand stayed alone for a mere second before Alice grabbed hold of it.

"I understand." she said simply.

The air between them was still. The forest was almost silent, they were miles away from anything living, miles away from Edward. But they were there for each other.

"Can you forgive me?" Jasper breathed as Alice pulled him into her neck.

She stroked his blonde locks tenderly, her eyes taking in his face. His eyes were dark with despair, but bright with pleading at the same moment.

"I can't forgive you for the shirt... that cost me a fortune!" She smiled at last.

"I'll make it up to you." Jasper said, relieved.

They turned towards the trees they had just run through to get to that spot. Hand in hand, they started to sprint back towards the house.

Just before the river, Alice yanked Jasper's hand to stop him leaping across the river.

"I can see it now, Jasper. Everything will be okay." She said softly to him. "Just not on the lips, they're all mine."


End file.
